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No, No, No -- What Else Is A Parent To Say?
By Michele R. Acosta, Fri Dec 9th
The word no is probably the most overused word in the Englishlanguage. I speak from experience since I myself use itfrequently. I might begin a normal day by saying, "No, Joshua, you may nothave a hotdog for breakfast," or "No, Alex, please don't throwyour cereal on the floor." After breakfast, I might say, "No,Joshua, don't hit your brother," or "No, Alex, don't kick yourbrother." While I'm making lunch, I usually need to tell Alex, "No, youcannot climb onto the kitchen table." By early afternoon, whichis the time of day I set aside for my work, I usually findmyself telling Joshua, "No, you cannot wake Alex from his nap"or "No! Don't touch Mommy's computer!" (Article continued below)
By late afternoon, I find myself saying either one or acombination of the following: "No, you cannot climb on thedresser"; "No, you cannot sit on the dresser"; "No, you cannotjump off of the dresser." By early evening my repertoire usuallyincludes, "No, boys, you cannot crash your cars into the walls"and "No, Alex, you cannot eat the cookie you've dropped on thefloor. No! You can't take the dirty cookie out of the garbage!"On any given day, by the time my sons are securely tucked intotheir beds and are soundly sleeping - that can be anywhere from8:00 until 11:00 - I have probably used the word no at leastone-hundred times. No has little value in our household, which I look upon as amicrocosm of the world at large. People habitually ignore signssaying: no parking, no smoking, or no loitering. Last night, Iwatched a man park his car in a parking place reserved for thehandicapped. Although the car had a handicapped parking permitdisplayed properly, none of the four people who emerged from thecar had any visible handicap. People generally look upon an answer of no as a challenge.Romantic movies are filled with plots in which the guy doesn'tgive up until he gets the girl and they live happily ever after.If so many adults fail to respond to the word no, then how can Iexpect anything different from two small children? The answer isthat I cannot expect anything different, yet breaking the "nohabit" is a difficult prospect. With such blatant overuse, the word no has obviously lost itsmeaning; at least it has lost its meaning for my sons. The moreoften I say no, the less often my sons respond to it; it is asif a viscous circle has taken over the discipline in ourhousehold. If I had not already recognized the overuse of thistwo-letter-word which has invaded my home, I would have beenstartled when Alex, my almost-two-year-old son, began saying,"No-no-no. No-no-no." He has even been known to chant "no-no-no,no-no-no," while walking through the house with a cup of juice.I console myself with the thought that he at least understandsthat juice does not belong outside of the kitchen. I find this to be a very difficult situation. With boys likemine, I cannot sit idly by waiting for a witty response to hitme in the face. It is more likely that they will hit each otherin the face - or somewhere else. My greatest concern is that oneday they will be in a dangerous situation (thinking, of course,that they are having great fun) and that my warnings will gounheeded because no has no meaning for them. Not that jumpingoff of dressers and climbing on tables are not potentiallydangerous situations; this is the reason why I do not waste timeon brilliantly creative responses which would satisfy the gurusof child psychology before mobilizing into action. It simplyseems that climbing and jumping are commonplace occurrences inmy house. In retrospect, it is easy to tell myself that I shouldhave been more creative in formulating responses to my sons'exuberance and zest for life; however, in the midst of two boysrolling on the floor with legs and arms flailing, the wordclosest at hand is usually: No! I have attempted to extricate myself from this circle in whichno resembles yes more than it resembles itself. I have triedlaughing; they laughed with me as they jumped from the fourthstep of the stair case. I have tried getting on the floor androlling around with them; they pinned me down and Alex almostchoked me as he tried to climb on my back for a piggy-back-ride.At that moment, I again reverted to humor saying to my son,"Alex, you are an instigator. Do you know what that means?" Hethrew his arms up in the air and yelled, "Fun!" I have tried to curb my use of the word no by curbing my sons'activities. My attempts at discipline have included givingtime-outs, sending them to their rooms, and putting them incorners. These methods seemed to have some immediate value, butonly until the next time. I even tried to instill more meaningin the word no by saying very seriously, "No means no!" I haveto admit that I have been reduced to this innocuous statementmore often than once. There are times when I simply let chaos reign. I listen closelyfor the danger signals and intervene only if and when I hearthem. I can also count on Joshua, who recently turned four, totattle. It's wonderful because he even tattles on himself. Recently, I ignored all of the thuds and booms that I heardcoming from the toy room. I even ignored the cries and screamssince none lasted for more than a few seconds. Eventually,Joshua came downstairs to tell me that Alex was in the bathroomtaking everything out of the cabinet. I walked up the stairs,expecting to find towels strewn about. Instead, I found Alexstanding on the vanity removing all of the medicine from themedicine cabinet. Joshua, who had followed me up the stairs,left the bathroom and returned a few moments later with a largebottle of children's cough medicine and a small bottle of syrupof ipecac that he had found in Alex's bedroom. Somehow, no did not pack enough power to deal with thesituation, so I immediately purchased safety locks for thebathroom and laundry room doors. That eliminated severalinstances of no per day. Since I cannot remove all of the furniture from my house, andsince I cannot alter my sons' perception of the word no (anymore than I can stop my brother from parking illegallydowntown), I must continue my search for other successfulmethods of eliminating no from my vocabulary. The tactic thatusually works best with any child is patience; although, it isdifficult to be patient when your children are perpetually blackand blue, so I must use patience cautiously when jumping andclimbing are involved. There are, however, plenty of otheroccasions in which the word no surfaces in my house. On theseoccasions, it is my goal to find another response to thesituations which arise. So the next time I catch Alex eatingVaseline, before groaning or screeching - No! - I'll have totake a deep breath and say, "Alex, are you hungry?" If I can successfully reduce these instances of the word no inmy vocabulary, I hope that, with age, my sons will eventuallylearn that no does have a meaning. Until that time arrives, I amleft with several years of holding my breath every time I hearJoshua say, "Alex, let's jump!" In the meantime, I have stockedup on Dalmatian Band-Aids and Bactine. About the author:Michele R. Acosta is a writer, a former English teacher, and themother of three boys. She spends her time writing and teachingothers to write. Visit TheWritingTutor.biz for more articles aswell as other writing and educational resources for youngauthors, teachers, and parents. Copyright (c) 2004-2005 TheWriting Tutor & Michele R. Acosta. All rights reserved. | Sign In |
