|
Below, you'll find extensive information on leading
houses in costa rica articles and products to help you on your way
to success.
Booty Grabbing At Your Place Of Worship?
By Nancy R. Fenn, Thu Dec 8th
"Many of us, however, flinch at 'the peace'. It spoils theprivacy and dignity of worship, and we dread it like theonslaught of the dentist's drill." -- Letter to "The LondonTelegraph" Recently I've had some interesting conversations with anintrovert in the Midwest whose minister tries to grab him andhug him on the way out of church every Sunday and I got tothinking ... how prevalent is this situation? Has the recenttrend toward hugging in American churches destroyed theexperience of community worship for the typical introvert? This is not an article about faith or God, or really even aboutbooty, the humorous title. It's an article about introverts andhow we relate to others in social situations. Does your churchor place of worship call itself "the hugging church"? Are you"invited" to stand up and turn around half way through theservice to share "the peace" with people you don't know? (Article continued below)
My Midwestern friend has decided to speak bluntly to hisminister and tell him to keep his hands to himself. I wonderthat he hasn't considered changing churches. Few take offence ata soft handshake or nod, but even so, a polite "no thank you"will also suffice. This uninvited touchy-feely stuff is not pleasing to anintrovert and it's not that we're "cold" or "strange". Not atall. What we are is territorial. We're as territorial about ourbodies and our body space as we are about our physical andemotional space. It's one of our strongest characteristics. Ifyou want to know for sure whether or not you're an introvert,ask yourself one of these two questions, "Do people exhaust me?"and/or " How would I feel if someone sat down at my desk andstarted checking their email?" It's our right as introverts to be territorial. We are alegitimate personality type. Here are some comments from parishioners of churches of variousdenominations on this topic. As you read these statements, payattention to how you feel. Remember, it's OK not to like hugging or "glad-handing" as myintroverted grandfather used to call it disdainfully. Thisdoesn't make you a bad person. COMMENTS FROM PARISHIONERS Meta Minton, editor of "The SouthernIllinoisan": "On occasion, I attend a local, holly roller,hallelujah screaming, speaking in tongues, praying until youpass out, Pentecostal church. The congregation there is verywarm and loving. Any service you attend, it is guaranteed thatyou will get hugged by everyone at least once." Anonymous: "We've witnessed a trend in which the new,contemporary churches -- where video screens and guitars are thenorm -- seem to be bursting at the seams. The parking lots atthose churches don't seem to be large enough for all thoseflocking in to hear the message. At the other end of thespectrum, many of the more traditional churches have slowly seentheir numbers slide. Churches must change or they'll die...." From "The London Telegraph": "What is troubling is the practiceof some members of the congregation of approaching the eventwith more gusto. These hearties do double hand-shakes likeboxers at the start of a bout. Wearing moony smiles and saying'the peace' with soppy sincerity, they leap the nave to greetstrangers with full-bosomed embraces, sometimes even renderingthe victim breathless for several moments. 'Turn around and sayhello to one another,' would be the standard invitation from theplatform, at which point arms would be flung around anyone andeveryone, whether they looked like they wanted a hug or not." Pastor Bob of Xxx Church in Michigan: "The church is a place forhugging. I see it on Sunday mornings during our time offellowship. I see hugging in the Gold Room during coffee time.Our church is a good hugging church. In baseball, they have a DH- a designated hitter who bats instead of the pitcher. At ourchurch, we also have a DH - a designated hugger. I don't thinkshe's even 5 feet tall, but this little dynamo, otherwise knownas Xxx, is our DH. She hugs everyone with a smile on her faceand love in her heart. "Bend over, Darlin', and give me a hug." From "The London Telegraph": Mr. Moore, in his guise as a modernBritish Episcopalian, may be prepared to tolerate such assaults.Many of us, however, flinch at "the peace". It spoils theprivacy and dignity of worship, and we dread it like theonslaught of the dentist's drill." Deb Matthews in "True Christian Stories": "There was just oneproblem with the church! At the end of the song services, thepastor would always tell the congregation, 'Turn around andshake hands with someone, or if you're a woman, give anotherwoman a hug.' Most of the time, I would just shake hands withthe people around me, or a woman next to me might just put herarm around my shoulder and give me a gentle sideways hug. Butthere was this one woman that went all over the place givingthese big bear hugs to everyone, man or woman. I got to where Iwould check out where she was sitting and make sure I was a longway away from her. But it didn't seem to matter where I sat --she still seemed to end up over where I was and give me one ofthose smothering hugs. The church was great except for all thathugging business." [she goes on to explain how she "overcame"her dread of being hugged !] IT'S NOT JUST THE HUGGING It's not just the hugging. Merilee recently visited a friend inAlabama and was taken to a Sunday service. There was a hugevideo screen in the front of the room which scrolled the lyricsto the hymns, members of the congregation got up to get coffeeor cold drinks whenever they wanted, there was a live band withguitar, saxophone and keyboard, and an elaborate sound system.Merilee is an infp introvert and she said it was a bombardmentof sounds, lights and people which kept her separated from anysense of the spiritual. The children were elaborately dressed inexpensive Victorian era clothing and, although truly adorable,their presence in the service was also a distraction toMerilee's sense of the divine. Elle explains in her GARDEN BLOG, "When I got to the church,opened the door and saw the room full of unknown people, Iremembered my usual madness. I froze. I stood at the door,surveyed the room and was overwhelmed. These were my initialobservations. It was loud. Way too loud. There was singing,shouting and dancing and I made a mental note to pinch Xxx fornot getting me there and seated before the hoopla began. Thiswas a small room and a small congregation. There were musicians,a few people (not enough to be called a choir) singing and I wasinstantly uncomfortable. Not that I have a problem with praiseand worship, but my few experiences with church have been verydifferent. Usually there's a very quiet service where peoplegive 'talks'and a choir sings a celestial rendition of OnwardChristian Soldiers. This was not that." Here are critiques of three churches in Maryland by someone whoidentifies himself only as "Bob". I have taken out allreferences to denomination so, exclusively on the basis of theform of the service, which of these churches would you like togo to? CRITIQUES Church 1 Excellent musical accompaniment to the service wasperformed by a choir of 12 men, percussion, electronic keyboard,saxophone and guitar. This first class entertainment wasapplauded during the service and some songs got deservedstanding ovations. Hugging happy greeter. Church started latebecause of talking and socializing. Laughter and applause joinedthe energetic sermon. Church 2 Mostly older adults. Some local families. Collegestudents. This is the church for Xxx College. Wooden pews. Smallchoir. Everyone sings. Flute and piano. Quiet. Everyone isattentive. Impromptu humor. No pressure to join. Educationallecture as part of service. Church 3 The ritual to follow and the hymns to sing are printedin the handout for everyone to easily participate. All hymnsfrom the 18th century. Folding chairs. Mostly adults.Individuals. No hand shaking during service. Easy to hear.Visitor may remain anonymous. If you picked #2 of #3, chances are you're an introvert. Despite the humorous title of this article, excessivefriendliness during worship seems contrived and uncomfortable tomany introverts and may be keeping us away from communal worshipin droves. If this is the case with you, I encourage you to lookfurther afield until you find a temple, church or synagogue thathnors the intoverted way! And don't forget to be heard. We havea voice and it's a legitimate one. How will they know if wedon't tell them? About the author:Nancy R. Fenn is The IntrovertZCoach. Learn more and findresources, support, humor and encouragement for introverts atwww.theintrovertzcoach.com | 